No Dinosaurs Allowed

It’s widely accepted the best that life gets,

Is when it’s lived out in the presence of pets;

The creature companions we choose to befriend,

That fill us with joy that goes on with no end.

Yet while any pet that you get can be good,

There’s one type of pet I don’t think that you should;

Mark all of my words and just trust me on this:

Do NOT get a dinosaur. Give it a miss.

As much as a dinosaur would be unique,

Your home wouldn’t last through the mess it would wreak;

Like crushing your sofas, your bed and TV,

And eating each morsel of food it could see.

Just where would you keep it and where would it sleep?

Or bathe in a bathtub sufficiently deep?

And where would you find, most important of all,

A tray for its litter that wasn’t too small?

This would barely last three days before your mother said, “Nope; No Dinosaurs Allowed.”

If you and your dinosaur went for a walk,

It’s likely your neighbours would stand there in shock;

As every next step of your pet’s mighty feet,

Would leave giant cracks in the pavement and street. 

And then if it treaded on anyone’s lawn,

Their plants would be trampled and instantly gone.

And all this destruction would stretch from your home,

To however far you decided to roam.

In the aftermath of your outing, the Neighbour’s Association would almost certainly set a new pet restriction: No Dinosaurs Allowed.

Although at first thought it might sound pretty cool,

You couldn’t show off your pet dino at school.

It’s presence alone would ensure Show & Tell,

Descended to chaos and didn’t go well.

Imagine the look on your school teacher’s face,

As dinosaur filled every inch of free space;

With everything pushed to the back of the room,

It wouldn’t show anything other than gloom.

One look at the classroom and your teacher would definitely say, “Unacceptable; No Dinosaurs Allowed.”

When trying to travel you couldn’t get far,

While carting a dino around in your car.

The body would buckle beneath all the weight,

And end up in quite the unfortunate state.

Wherever it was you were trying to go,

Would only be reached going painfully slow;

So slow that the hours each journey would take,

Would cause quite a jam trailing right in your wake.

It would most likely be such a bad experience that, as soon as it was over, your dad would say, “Never again; No Dinosaurs Allowed.”

While out in the park it could stretch out and run,

You’d find such a daytrip just wouldn’t be fun.

By letting it freely get moving so brisk,

You’d put every pastime and hobby at risk.

While running around it would ruin each class;

End art and Tai Chi with its oncoming mass.

And if in the ruckus the birds flew away,

The birdwatching club would have something to say.

After that, the Parks Committee would surely have a meeting and put in place a new rule: No Dinosaurs Allowed.

Whenever a medical checkup was due,

I’m not sure the vet would know what to review;

Perhaps try to tend to its razor-sharp claws,

Or nervously look in its powerful jaws.

But far more concerning is all the ado,

You’d cause in the lobby while wandering through.

The meowing and barking you’d surely incite,

Would make for a dreadful and ear-splitting plight.

When things eventually calmed down, your local pet clinic would have no choice but to adopt a new policy: No Dinosaurs Allowed.

When choosing a pet in the end I’d suggest,

You go for the creature that suits you the best;

A four-legged friend like a cat or a dog,

To watch some TV with or take for a jog.

Look after it well and you’ll certainly find,

You’ll feel pretty good in both body and mind.

But never forget this; I pray that you won’t:

Do NOT get a dinosaur. Trust me, just don’t.